Would it have been better not to have had family at all?

Life need not have been as hard nor as complicated, had I just had had parents who knew how to enjoy life, who had only wanted for me to do the same.

In defence of sweetness

I've been thinking lately, about why it is, that I get on, most strongly of all, with my mum and my dog. I've realised that it's to do with sweetness.

Guilt for wasting time with the drummer, and plans to get back to music making

I am sorry Dad and Abu. I'm sorry Music. I'm even sorry to the community I feel there may have been here, starting to support me, who I used to update more regularly by writing here, who I used to feel a bond with. I never should've given the time I should've given to you: Dad, Mum, Abu, Music, and This Website's Supportive Community, to someone who never truly cared about me (the drummer). I hope to resume working on a music project next week.

I must be grateful

Thank you to all the people who make me excited about their existence.

Trying to make sense of recent emotions

Life has felt stuck for so long now, and I feel so empty on top of that. This year had got off to a better start as I was creating music, but since Abu's eye accident and dad's passing, it's been one thing after the other. I hope I can start to feel as though I'm in better control of my life soon, and that I can start to find inner joy and self-love again. And to believe that I am worthy of the romantic love of whose ideals I've made so much music about. And I hope I can get independent with my music making too.