Feeling so low

I am realising I grew up in such a serious, abnormal household. All the drama there was.

Worries Disk Doctors did not restore my data properly, suffering an infection, realising how badly the drummer treated me, and realising locals don’t actually care about me

I literally have no one whose shoulder I could lean on as I walk Abu down the road.

Finding it hard to share podcasts when they’re so empty

I hope tomorrow I can try to start recording bits from science books and therefore get the feeling of friendship I seek out of having a podcast, whilst not being so conscious of messy waffling.

Retrying the podcast idea

Are reasons of self-therapy and loneliness enough to justify the indignity of sharing my thoughts so openly, so messily? But I think I really do need something to help me feel less alone, and that the podcast would provide me that, much like writing here has done, though with the added benefit of letting me feel like I'm talking to someone.

Trying to make sense of recent emotions

Life has felt stuck for so long now, and I feel so empty on top of that. This year had got off to a better start as I was creating music, but since Abu's eye accident and dad's passing, it's been one thing after the other. I hope I can start to feel as though I'm in better control of my life soon, and that I can start to find inner joy and self-love again. And to believe that I am worthy of the romantic love of whose ideals I've made so much music about. And I hope I can get independent with my music making too.