Anxiety rising

As Monday approaches, I can feel my anxiety rise.

I have to confront scary things as the week begins and the world restarts. And this will be the case I expect for some time. On weekends, when the world slows down, I will get to catch a breath. On weekdays, when everyone is up, a lot of them will be chasing me over things that need fixing.

And all the while, not being seen for who I am, a music maker. And struggling to fulfil my potential amidst my struggles.

I just wanted to come here again, to write, because I noticed this, this anxiety rising.

I feel I’d done well these past few days, with the tasks I’d set myself.

But yes, I’ve so much fear about so many tasks there are to do.

I hope that the calm and gratitude I got to experience for parts of Sunday will not be obliterated. I hope that I can be strong when new challenges approach.

I have been so strong for so long.

It is odd, sometimes people try to give me advice, when those same people have not endured half of what I have already overcome. Not to say that that would invalidate all of their advice, but it is an odd sensation, receiving advice on how to walk a one mile stretch, when I’ve already walked one thousand. But I suppose that’s okay. Because I need to do things one mile at a time. That is the only way for it not to become too much.

I somehow got through 2023 by the skin of my teeth. I hope I will “make it” in 2024, so I can at least have a much missed feeling of control over my life, that in turn, would do so much, to help reduce my anxiety and communication issues.