Last night I felt overwhelmed. This morning I’m feeling calmer and more hopeful.
Abu’s recent injury led me to feeling like a failure for not having somehow stopped it from happening. I’d felt as though I’d somehow created yet another excuse for not completing my musical projects and therefore in turn from moving forwards towards independence. I worried about managing his treatment plan, about whether I’d be able to take care of him well enough to help his keep his eye.
As mentioned, Abu managed to open up some of the stitches on his eye, as I’d not tightened his cone enough and for a second he slipped it off and scratched his eye against the wall. Thankfully the vet said it would be okay so long as he can keep his one remaining stitch in place till the 13th of June. I’m doing my best to protect it. Also, as mentioned, seeing his eye, instead of it being hidden behind stitched shut eyelids makes me feel better, to see him looking more normal, to imagine he’s seeing through both eyes and so feeling less disorientated, to have hope he’ll get to keep his eye.
For the first days after Abu hurt his eye I was unable to read when I took him to the cafe, as I couldn’t stop watching over him for fear he’d jolt and hurt his eye again. This morning I felt calmer in being able to read. As mentioned, I’ve gotten myself a bungee lead, that apparently is designed to absorb shocks, as I hope this will help the reduce of the chance of him making a sudden jolt whilst on the lead of having the force of that jolt affect his eyes in future. This lead also seems to keep him closer to me, being shorter, which also provides some relief, as the shorter distance he has to build up speed on a jolt, the less fast he’d be when he’d reach the end of the lead, and so the less powerful any potential jolt. Also I’m trying to be more conscious of his whereabouts, in that, previously I’d read and not worry so long as I could feel his lead on his arm, now I don’t let him wander the way I would.
I’m feeling like I’m getting better at following the treatment plan, of making sure I remove his cone enough times to get him to drink water, sometimes even trying to insist he drinks (with varying levels of success), and to listen for when he taps his bowl and seeks help drinking water too. I also feel I’m getting better at figuring out how to hand-feed him, as he can’t eat from his bowl and refuses kibble when I attempt to hand-feed him that. At first I attempted to feed him cheesy human food, but now I’ve settled on some dog treats that I know he’ll always accept, and that are likely better for dogs, granted that such a high fat diet isn’t good for any dog long term. I feel I’m getting better at applying ointment around his eye, I use a wipe to dab it around his eye, as I can’t administer it directly, him moving around too much when I try. I also try to apply lubricating eye drops though sometimes miss. He’s now taken his whole course of antibiotics and I give him his anti-inflammatory medicine after he eats, as directed.
I feel grateful for him. I am trying to focus on that. Yes my plans have been disrupted once again. But I am trying. I want to move forwards. I want to get better, to whatever extent I can. I want to become independent. I am excited about my projects. But for now I will focus on and be grateful for my Abu. He’s helped me so much through these years of depression, now it is time for me to help him as best I can.
Anyhow, as promised, here are some photos of the little monkey, from a few days ago, when most of the stitches on his eyelids were still holding up.
LYNA GALLIARA 